


가능성이 낮다  - Unlikely

by spoky



Series: Fat, Fem and Asian [2]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 14:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10337164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoky/pseuds/spoky
Summary: DISCLAIMER: This story is RPF, meaning that I use the star image of real people to tell a completely fictional story. It's not meant to offend or insult anyone. Please do not share my fiction with the people I write about on social media or otherwise. Thank you. (For full disclaimer, please see my profile.)Kim knows she cannot get Trixie. But she could get Alaska...Lyrics: Adore Delano - 4am





	

_It’s 4AM and I’m staring at the ceiling_  
_Every word I sing is losing all its meaning_  
_4AM and I think I’m about to lose it_  
_My life is a mess but I’ll always choose it_

It’s one of those after parties the RuGirls tend to throw on tours. Everyone seems to support some level of intoxication, especially Bianca who is leaning to Adore and pointing up to the stars; pointing to the completely white ceiling. Kim watches as Adore strokes Bianca’s jaw while nodding seriously that yes, she can see the constellations. Bianca sighs in approval and Kim figures the pair is happy on the floor, they seem comfortable leaning to one another. Kim glances up to the ceiling and imagines Ursa Major shining there. It’s the only constellation she can remember and actually recognise in the sky. Well, she can’t actually pinpoint the entire constellation, just the Big Dipper, but she figures that counts.    
  
Kim glances over to the other side of the room where Trixie and Katya are sharing an animated conversation with Sharon and Thorgy. Naomi has disappeared somewhere with Milk and Kim smiles to herself. She can make an educated guess what the pair has in mind. She takes another sip of the cocktail Jinkx has left her with and wonders whether she will ever find a “Milk”, or a “Katya”. She watches in amusement as Acid Betty, carefully avoiding Trixya, makes her way to Thorgy’s side and nudges her to come with her. Thorgy makes her excuses and Katya rolls her eyes dramatically at the pair before Bob joins the group and the conversations picks up again.  
  
Kim sighs and turns her gaze to the only sofa in the room. Willam and Courtney are playing cards with Latrice, who is holding hands with her fiancé. Kim glances back to Sharon and wonders where her other half has wondered. Her question is answered instantly as the man walks back into the room with one of the tallest RuGirls, Alaska. For a while there had been a rumour circulating that the three formed a balanced triad. Tonight Chad finds his way to Sharon’s side and Alaska continues her steps to Willam and Courtney. Another triad the Queen of Snakes had been rumoured to fit in. Kim can imagine it, they are all beautiful.

She carefully steals another look at Trixie and Katya but quickly realises that there is no use to start thinking in those terms. There is nothing to be filled or missing in their relationship and while Katya probably would have been open to the idea, Katya is open to all kind of possibilities, Trixie would have laughed at their faces and dismissed the concept as absolutely ridiculous. Kim lowers her eyes to the red cocktail she’s holding and forces a smile onto her lips. She’s happy for them. _Truly._

It’s just that she really wants to find someone who sees her in the same light as Katya sees Trixie. Looks at her with similar interest and adoration as Adore looks at Bianca; with similar lust and want as what Willam keeps throwing at Courtney or would even just hold her hand gently, like Chad is currently holding Sharon’s. 

“Care to share?”  
  
The voice startles Kim and she glances up to the controversial queen who takes a seat next to her. Kim takes note of the fact that she takes almost twice the space Alaska is capable of filling. She snorts at Alaska’s question and wonders what would be the best way to describe her latest train of thought.

“Just wondering what to wear to the weddings,” she jokes and indicates towards the couples in the room. Her words make Alaska laugh and Kim is surprised at how nice it sounds.

“Something extravagant that’ll outshine the brides,” Alaska drawls and Kim chuckles. Indeed.

She’s drunk and so she’s not surprised that the idea occurs to her. She’s however embarrassed that she actually blurts the words out before she has time to swallow them. She shouldn’t have downed those shots earlier.  
  
“I want to find someone.”  
  
Kim can see from the corner of her eye that Alaska glances at her, but she doesn’t say anything. Kim guesses it’s stupid anyway. It doesn’t matter, not really. Nowadays people want multiple partners and amazing sex. Whereas she just wants someone to hold her hand and help her to stumble over the first steps of intimacy. Because she will stumble. She is inherently clumsy and to add to that, she’s not comfortable in her own body. Her first time will probably be in her forties, with a guy that is already balding and has a fetish of Drag Queens or Asians, possibly both. Kim Chi refuses to sleep with a fan, she also absolutely refuses to sleep with any race chasers to just to be done with it. It’s not like her virginity means something to her, dear god no, it’s just that… Well, she doesn’t want to embarrass herself in front of a stranger. In front of someone who might update their Twitter or Facebook about the incident afterwards. Alaska is still silent and it’s getting uncomfortable.  
  
“I don’t mean it needs to be love,” Kim blurts and she has no idea where she is going with this. She however has Alaska’s attention now and has to continue with something. “I mean… I mean it would be nice to experience something like that,” she indicates back to the room again, pointing at the couples with her drink. “Even just for a weekend.”

As the words fall from her lips Kim wants to take them back immediately. She sounds pathetic. At least tomorrow she can pretend to have been so drunk she cannot remember them. That is exactly what she is going to do. Actually, she is going to start that right now and pretend she never even started the conversation. She smiles the brightest fake smile she can find and turns to Alaska, intending to ask her about her performances, about drag, about anything. Alaska’s serious, inquisitive eyes however make her stall. 

“I could do a weekend,” Alaska says, holding Kim’s gaze.

 

_And I guess I don’t need my family_  
_And I guess I don’t need my friends_  
_And I guess I don’t need the love of my life_  
_I clip my wings and look at the sky_

 

Kim blinks. Is this charity? Why is she offering? What is she offering? A weekend. Alaska is offering a weekend.

Kim swallows and lowers her eyes back to the red cocktail. She plays with the straw and keeps glancing between her own and Alaska’s shoes. She doesn’t know what to make of the situation. What to make of the other queen. Alaska lives in a completely different reality from hers. The 49th state has definitely seen and experienced more than Kim has. Alaska has been through the raw and the ugly; the sweet and the scary. The 49th state has already collected more varying experiences on intimacy and love than Kim probably ever will. Alaska pokes Kim’s shoe with her own and makes her smile.

“It’s not pity, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Alaska says and Kim lifts her eyes to look at her.

“I think you’re beautiful,” Alaska continues. “In and out of drag.”

Kim fails to detect deception in Alaska’s eyes or tone, which makes no sense to her. Alaska is beautiful, there is no denying that. In comparison to Alaska as a boy, Kim is barely average. In drag they might measure, but Kim knows that that is not what Alaska is offering. She is not expecting them to exchange makeup tips and discuss food. It is a completely different type of experience Alaska is suggesting they might share. It makes no sense to Kim. There is nothing for Alaska to gain from this.

“May I?” Alaska asks and Kim can hear a smile in the voice. The lanky queen leans closer slightly and slowly lifts her left hand. Kim can tell she’s being extra careful, as if completely convinced that Kim will pull back and refuse the touch. She doesn’t. She let’s Alaska place her palm onto her cheek. To trace her cheekbone with her thumb. Kim closes her eyes under the touch. It’s so gentle and sweet, the way in which Alaska caresses her. Kim leans into the touch, wanting more. She had no idea she was so deprived of affection that a single gentle stroke could completely destroy all of her defences.

“May I?” Alaska repeats and Kim feels her breath on her lips. Alaska is so close Kim can feel the radiating body heat. As she nods for permission her nose brushes gently against Alaska’s. When Alaska presses her soft lips briefly onto Kim’s, she startles. She had every warning in the world, but was still not prepared to the way in which her entire body simultaneously tenses and melts under the first touch of Alaska’s lips. Kim is completely still, her lips slightly apart as Alaska presses their lips together once more, now more firmly. Kim had no idea kissing could be so varied, versatile. Alaska gently brushes her lips against Kim’s before gently capturing Kim’s lower lip briefly between her own, she then proceeds to trace the parting between Kim’s lips with her tongue and cheekily nudges Kim’s nose with her own. Kim whimpers and cannot believe how strong of a reaction Alaska is capable of pulling out of her. She moves her hand to grab Alaska’s knee and recognises through the kisses how a smile spreads onto her lips. It is not Kim’s first kiss, but it definitely is the first that makes her feel wanted for the right reasons.

When Alaska pulls back, Kim has no idea how long they have been kissing. She’s slightly out of breath and can feel her heart pounding fast in her chest. She opens her eyes slowly and sees Alaska’s self-satisfied smile. It makes her smile. Is the 49th state counting this as one of her victories? It certainly seems like she is. Alaska’s smile widens as she watches Kim laugh and she covers Kim’s hand on her knee with her own. 

“A weekend, huh?” Kim confirms and looks up to Alaska. The queen seems slightly uncomfortable but nods.  
  
“Yeah,” she whispers, looking at Kim in the eyes. “A weekend.”  
  
Kim worries her lip and wonders whether she’s playing with fire. This could be one of the greatest experiences of her life, but she could also end up hurt and heartbroken. Then again, just five minutes ago she wouldn’t have even considered Alaska in romantic terms. The 49th state has no reason to hurt her and Kim doubts she has any such intentions. Could they? What if?  
  
Kim has an uncomfortable feeling that someone is staring at her and as she moves her eyes away from Alaska, she sees it’s Trixie. Well, it’s not just Trixie. But it’s mainly Trixie. The Barbie has taken couple of steps out of the group she previously had been conversing with, but is held back by Katya’s strong hold of her left wrist. The entire group is looking at Kim. Looking at them.

The curious gazes don’t bother Kim, but Trixie’s clear disapproval does. Trixie is visibly upset and Kim suspects the only reason her kiss with Alaska went uninterrupted is the fact that Katya is standing strong and grounded. Kim glances briefly to Katya, who is grinning at her almost encouragingly behind Trixie’s back. Katya is right, Trixie has no say in Kim’s decision however good friends they are. And while Trixie might not know it, it is exactly her strong objection that makes the decision for Kim. Pushes her into it. She deserves affection and care, just like Trixie, or Naomi, and while Alaska might not be her “Katya” or her “Milk”, Alaska has potential to be something. 

Kim takes a one final look at Trixie before lifting her chin. If she gets hurt, she’ll deal with the consequences later. Because there is a significant chance that the weekend will be worth it. She turns to look at Alaska, who has clearly noticed the exchange between her and Trixie, but she sits still and is clearly waiting for Kim to make her own decisions. She’s smiling slightly and Kim can appreciate her considerateness.  
  
“This weekend?” Kim asks and surprises herself with her own confidence. She really wants this and she trusts Alaska.

“This weekend,” Alaska agrees with a nod. 

A weekend. This weekend. It’s Friday and they’re free. It’s now or never.

Kim swallows down all the doubts and fears, and concludes that whatever the outcome, she will most likely come out of the experience a lot richer. She stands up and sighs. Without a second glance at the disapproving Barbie she offers her hand to Alaska, who accepts it without hesitation. 

“Let’s go.”  
  


 

_It’s 4AM and they think they really know me_  
_This smile on my face doesn’t always come easy_  
_4AM and I think I’m about to lose it_  
_My life is a mess but I’ll always choose it_

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it?


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